i’ve been reading

robert jordan- wheel of time.  I just finished book eight…. I’v read 4 in the last week and my head is floating in his words and characters, and reality is the last place I would like to be.  I have to get 9-11 somewhere and I should clean the house before I read anymore.  I am not sure I am fit to write after reading his work.  The way he interweaves the characters and setting, and plot line are beautiful.   I don’t know if I can begin to distance myself from his shadow.  He must have been nuts with fantasy inside his mind….so many details and so much heart.  How could one man keep that all together?  without spilling it out, all over his reality?  I don’t know where I’ll go as a writer, what direction I am being pulled but I cannot help but giggle and feel as though I’ve been studying the master.  I will be even more humble as I continue.

 

I felt the same after reading Shakespeare…. Unsure of myself and scared to continue.  I enjoy almost every book I read but rarely am I teary eyed and full of awe.  It is like scribbling on a napkin and than comparing it to the great artists who controlled light and shadow with such ease and detail.  You realize you suck.  You realize that you will die and still suck.  I wonder if Robert Jordan felt that way?  If he was unsure of himself and what he was doing…. That is sad and beautiful.  That is the essence of art, of creating, of humanity.  We feel like fools in a closet, in darkness but we keep our hearts open and we imagine light and energy and fountains and rivers and hands and swords and full bellies when they are nowhere to be found.  we create a world inside our minds and hope, that we will have strength and courage to share, the time to tell  our part of the story.  I hope that you continue on your journey with faith and hope for the future.  You may be a fool, a sad and lonely one, walking on a hard road as a battle goes on around and inside you, but keep stepping, oh step on, step on.  Who knows, you may save a soul on your way just as Robert Jordan continues to save mine from his grave.