i’ve been reading

robert jordan- wheel of time.  I just finished book eight…. I’v read 4 in the last week and my head is floating in his words and characters, and reality is the last place I would like to be.  I have to get 9-11 somewhere and I should clean the house before I read anymore.  I am not sure I am fit to write after reading his work.  The way he interweaves the characters and setting, and plot line are beautiful.   I don’t know if I can begin to distance myself from his shadow.  He must have been nuts with fantasy inside his mind….so many details and so much heart.  How could one man keep that all together?  without spilling it out, all over his reality?  I don’t know where I’ll go as a writer, what direction I am being pulled but I cannot help but giggle and feel as though I’ve been studying the master.  I will be even more humble as I continue.

 

I felt the same after reading Shakespeare…. Unsure of myself and scared to continue.  I enjoy almost every book I read but rarely am I teary eyed and full of awe.  It is like scribbling on a napkin and than comparing it to the great artists who controlled light and shadow with such ease and detail.  You realize you suck.  You realize that you will die and still suck.  I wonder if Robert Jordan felt that way?  If he was unsure of himself and what he was doing…. That is sad and beautiful.  That is the essence of art, of creating, of humanity.  We feel like fools in a closet, in darkness but we keep our hearts open and we imagine light and energy and fountains and rivers and hands and swords and full bellies when they are nowhere to be found.  we create a world inside our minds and hope, that we will have strength and courage to share, the time to tell  our part of the story.  I hope that you continue on your journey with faith and hope for the future.  You may be a fool, a sad and lonely one, walking on a hard road as a battle goes on around and inside you, but keep stepping, oh step on, step on.  Who knows, you may save a soul on your way just as Robert Jordan continues to save mine from his grave.

One Excuse or Another

Old teddy used to laugh.

 

Now he is faking it. 

I know this.  I can tell.

I’ve faked it before

with a jar of peanut butter. 

 

I annoy everyone.  

I am weird o.    

That is why I decided not

to talk friendly with you

Warm up

Here I am again with a stomachache.

Its starting to warm up. My coffee

is far away. It is in a different galaxy

 

I used to have shirts. I don’t know

what happened to them.

 

I talk about the same bus all the time.

Most people care about money  

I wish I could care about money. 

Why can’t I be caring?    

 

 

What are you doing with that

muffin? 

Double-talk

Do you know how? 

Do you because I heard you

talk like you did and had never heard

so much mash fall to the ground

before so I didn’t know if you were waiting

for to me to call bullshit or if you were serious. 

 

 

The gewgaw conversations

on  the news people watch

when waiting for a thing

to come about confuse me.

 

Where are the punch lines to

all the jokes?

Speedy Pete

In this town I mumble

 -here in the autumn air. 

This town is a stranger.

The people are in a hurry

to say a thing and be on their way

I am like one of the old timers

I used to pour bullshit eyes and coffee 

for at a slime diner.

One of them, nick-named

Speedy Pete, cause he drove slow

in a corvette asked me if I would leave

husband for an old

rich man and I told him

yes I would.

 

What I really meant to tell him

is I liked him the way he was

honest and blunt and sassy and reliable. 

He always ordered the same;

chocolate banana pudding pie and a cup of coffee

with half of a creamer and carried

a picture of a model with a black lab

because he said -she looked like me. 

 

There was little resemblance

besides she had brown hair and smiled.

 

 This old coot with rotten teeth and dirty clothes 

lived in the middle of the woods

without electricity or running water

but he came into town to see my crocked smile

 

 

He was always talking shit and saying this person

 or that person was a fool and that people didn’t like him

 cause he told the truth.

 

 

I’ve always been a bit of a mumble mouth myself

so I trained my ears to hear what he said and carefully

asked him to repeat what he said when I didn’t

and I’d smile when I said that and he would smile back

with rotten goof  the way little boys do

when they got a good and dangerous idea.

 

 The chain smoking cook and the big hipped waitress said,

he smelled horrid and I shouldn’t encourage him.

They said, to watch out for him or else I’d find myself in the woods.

When he died I was away at college and had been divorced

and didn’t find out until the summer after. I missed him

  

A robot

A robot can work with a broken part

for a million years.  They can slog

on and on and nobody understands

the difference.

 

 

People just want

to inflate balloons 

or a ham sandwich.

 

I have pretend interactions

Thank you -I am a rock salad. 

Register to Vote

yesterday I registered to vote.  

 

 

Have you?  

 

Election is Nov 4th.  

 

Do not be silenced.   I can’t wait to vote. 

 

 

I can’t wait.  Yippy Peanut Butter.  

I encourage all to vote as well. 

Down with vile oppressors. 

and up with hope. ahaha

I’m an one woman mayhem

I riot in the streets alone.

Yell and wave hands-

scream war-war or peace-peace

or stop the evil please

 

Stupid is not political. Stupid

comes from not enough

blue tuna in your diet.

Play on me

 

Put some cold butter on me.

Give me a wool blanket or an angry song. 

Tell me what you do

when no one is around.

Wipe your buggers

on my jewelry box

Pick a fight with me.

Beg me to massage you.  

Hold my foot down.

Sweat on my face. 

Complain about your

fat and make me eat

four baked potatoes.

Stretch out my new moon boots

Bathe me in earwax. Make me

chop your wood and haul your bath water.

Play video games and make me just watch

Read your favorite comic book to me. 

Tell me about the dream

you had when you where sixteen. 

Get me drunk and grab my boobs.

 

The silence is cutting away my best parts.

It is cutting up my feet. 

I cannot pace anymore.

I am tired of the craft closet. 

Dump glue in my underpants

Come find me and pull me out by my hair.

 

I am lonely.

I  want to call out to someone.

 It is awkward.

 I want to hear someone else’s

thoughts for change.  

 

 

Tell me your life story or explain

 your hangnails please

 

painting; work in progress

click on me for full image

Vote or die

I am going to vote for Obama for president because McCain is old.

He picked Palin to tease us.  Vice president is not the same as president.  I may be a chick but i know that….where did i put my nail polish?

I know that Obama is all talk and that he probably won’t do 95%

of what he says but at least if he did it would be nice.  

 

Another thing -when was last time you heard McCain criticize torture?   

 

or Papa Bush?   

 

I’d rather vote for someone else but Obama sounds nice and he shows people that if you want 

to join the corruption game, it doesn’t matter what color you are.  Join the politics.  I love politics.

I love it when democrats talk bad about Bush.  It makes me feel warm and fuzzy.  hot coco. 

 

I love to talk crap about republicans because they have followed Bush as he were their papa.  

I am going to miss all the bushisms. that was a lot of fun. Thank you.  Bush said so many dumb things that it was hard to focus on all the important issues and vile things he was doing.  He came off as being dumb.   It was funny.  Turd blossom.   Will Obama be fun to make fun of?  no, not nearly. 

 

He is too likable.  If he does something stupid I’d feel bad for him and the shame he brought to his family and country.  Just being part of Bush’s family is a suit of shame. They are used to it.  They have learned to accept it just as we did as Bush as our President.  I know a lot of people wanted to see him impeached and so did I but the senators would not abide us.  Our politicians would not. I hope this isn’t some bad luck and we will continue to have torture and war and greed and stupidity as symbol for the white house but this game has been going on for a long time and all of the nominees are embedded with hedge-lobby-smack-gold-jet planes-blood fun.  I know this you.  You know this. 

Americans, are you as dumb as you appear to be?  I used to think that most people are smart.  I did. I thought they were smarter than me.  

 

If it sounds to good to be true it probably is……you hard that cliche before…. so If the republican or conservatives or evil people tell you something like, I love Jesus or God bless America or there is nothing wrong with torture or its not your choice to be gay or a woman shouldn’t be able to decide what goes on in her body …. they are telling you what you want to hear.

 

Just like when your spouse or kids or roommate tells you something odd, you can usually tell they are bull shitting you, well try using those same skills when listening to politics.  They are just giving you a line of bs and they are not going to take out the trash. they don’t want to. they did not forget about it they just know you can’t make them or that you are too busy to make them and will put it off for an another time. 

Point- How does gay marriage wreck your man woman marriage?  It does not wreck mine.  I am not gay and it has no affect on my marriage.  How does it affect yours?  what?   is there somewhere you rather be?

 See, politicians know that gay marriage won’t affect straight marriages.   Why should they care if a gay person wants to marry another gay person. I don’t care.  but they know you do because you uncomfortable with gay people because you think it is contagious and your kids and spouse are going to catch gay.  It doesn’t work that way.  I have gay friends and I did not get the gay from them.  I still like to have sex with husband.  

And i don’t care what the bible says, a book of faith is not the law of the land and i would not want it to be.  because people can say it means anything they want, like they do and people can use faith books like the bible to oppress and treat people bad.  

 

Point 2- Why do you want abortion to be illegal?  It is not because you think killing is wrong. That is what you say but that is not the truth.  You are not trying to protect the babies in Iraq.  what if a woman was raped or way too young and she would die if she had the baby?  You wouldn’t want her to die.  you decide that the baby had to go.  So you think its ok to kill in certain circumstances. like the death penalty or war. stop wasting your time talking about how bad abortion is and spend the time  teaching your children how babies are made and tell them about stds and take them to a doctor and make sure they have birth control and condoms. bam. You don’t like that because you feel bad about all the sex you had and you think that sex is wrong. It is not. it is good.  but you are afraid of your  sexuality and have a hard time dealing with your feelings.  so you say, just say no.  you didn’t just say no and your kids are most likely going try some sex out.  Teach them about herpies and warts with pictures.    Lots of women have abortions and do not regret it.  fact. 

teach your kids to be responsible for their choices.  bam herpies. bam abortion.  Herpies is a big problem

 

Leave the gays alone. Leave abortion alone. Worry about your own family.  Do not oppress people because of the bible. That is wrong. Love.  Turn the other cheek and oppress at your self. Bam

radical decision

i have just decided that i will go a head and continue with my idea of having a publishing house.  

 

I will not give up.  I will continue to strive for mashed potatoes and gravy.  

 

My first project is a book that has my grandmother’s, mother’s and my poetry in it.  My second project will be collection of my poems.  

 

If anyone has advice feel free to offer it (Hint- I handle naysayerism best after a free lunch).  I have done a bunch of research so far but there’s always more to learn (Why does the tap water make my tongue fat?).   

 

My third project will be shocking and change the world, if only i could think of it.