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Lesson 3/Action Makes the Poet

Lesson 3/Action Makes the Poet

so you want to be a poet series 

 

I know of some poets who don’t think of themselves when they come in contact with “Action.” “Action” makes poets think of the movies.

As a poet there are many an “action” that you will have to do. or else no one will know you are a poet unless you tell them and if you have to tell them -you’r poetaster (I don’t make this shi up poet).  Make them ask at least 7 times and only confess up to other poets or health officials. Make sure you snort laugh afterwards to distract (can’t argue about facts).

I teach out of personal experiences so most of what I say doesn’t apply to you but, it will give you something to focus your cognitive dissonance on and get you to stop writing love poems, which is my main concern. Young poets should write war poems. Poems for naked war, poems about being in naked war, or whatever, you decide, I’ve even known poets who have written poems against war.  I think naked war is the place to begin.  A poet can say anything in a naked war poem. anything. and the poor craft is often times overlooked to due the semi-serious subject matter.    Take this from an old pro, don’t tell possible love interest(s) that you write poetry until after you’re married (at least had sex) or published. You will learn the importance of this over long periods of “alone time.” 

 

Please refer to Guidelines for “a young poet” listed below when completing this lesson’s assignment.

 

 

 

 

Assignment

 

Additional one seating reading: “Paradise Lost” –Milton

Please post response on how “Paradise Lost” sucks so I know you didn’t understand it and you were too confused to think of reading the cliff-notes.

 

Go to an establishment, properly dressed with the correct gear on an open mic night. Show up early and get good seat (save one for me).  Refer back to guidelines for “a young poet” for clarity.

 

Bring tobacco (good way to make stinky friends).

 

Have aged scotch (I may be there).

 

Write feverishly and noisily while others read their poems.

Never clap or snap fingers for another poet.

Read your poems. Make sure you have the full attention

of the several people in the establishment (even the cashiers) by whatever means possible.  Grunt or Yell. Throw a notepad on the floor.  Tell an anti-joke and allow for a big pause of silence so the several people in the establishment lean forward and question if you are sober, or if you have fallen asleep. Violently jerk forward and read poem in bad Spanish accent.

 

During the poetry reading (when you are not reading your poems) write down everything you observe and ponder. Everything. If you have questions about this, don’t ask.  Briefly write how the gear and wear aided you.  Please send one copy to your pen pal from New Zealand and one copy to me (double spaced in American Typewriter Light Font, 13pt.).

 

 

 

 

Guidelines for “a young poet”

 

Actions

 

Learn to lie/lay guilt trip free

 

Refuse to get a job unless you need material for your poems or a quilt. 

 

When job stops being inspirational, quit

This is a better way (Love Jesus anybody?) 

Learn to ask humbly for ham 

Live with whoever will have you

Clean your feet when they kick you out

Cut your toenails religiously

Only paint the pinky black 

Travel as far as your stomach can handle.

Fall for someone who won’t “repay the favor”

Sleep around a lot when young (before butt turns into a paper bag)

 

Drinks of the poet

 

Mushroom tea

Ale

Scotch

Drink black (or green tea) coffee. 

Know facts about coffee (or green tea).

Be a coffee (green tea)  snob.

Keep a cup of coffee (or green tea) in your

hand, except when driving a manual, wiping, or with a lover (It probably won’t happen more than a couple of times so don’t worry about it to the point it wrecks your poetry and you start to write about it).

Milk (organic)

Juice (preferably grape)

Water (preferably pure)

 

Food of the poet

 

Dried fruit

Nuts

Dried meats

Dried veggies

Dried chili

Anything poet can get mouth on

Cheese

Bread mostly

Sometime butter

BQ sauce

 

You are what you wear poet

 

Dress in a cotton button up and brown slacks (good reasons for this).

 

Have two blue sweaters and a tan blazer with you at all times (for fashion purposes).

 

Wear leather sandals everywhere in all seasons with red wool socks in winter.

 

Sunglasses (cop frames –no colored tint please)

 

Poet’s Gear

 

 

Bring a bag full of

 

dried foods

nuts

shakers (painted gourds work best)

An Emily D Doll,

Cds of Lester Young, Paul Simon, and Blonde

A mole-skin-journal (no lines, black)

Vaseline (for dry parts)

Spare underwear (if owned)

Pens of different colors and sizes

Cookies

Tea bags

Extra cups

Leaves of Grass 

chips

 

Carry on person at all times:

 

A bottle of water

Fav stuffed donkey

Anti itch cream (can’t be too safe)

Knife (swiss variety)

Thick rope (strong enough to hold own bodyweight)

 

Poets’ Practice

 

Don’t practice hygiene daily.

Practice Yoga.

Memorize your five original poems

 

Keep journal of how many words you write a day

and how long it takes you.

 

 

Poorly (reverse words) recite Shakespeare in bad English accent in front academonia types (professors, critics, publishers, and e-lutes).

 

Read your own lines in bad English accent or Irish (depending on your drug/sin of choice).

 

Put out a tip jar that used to house pickles. Refer to the jar often as your “green rye bread.”

 

Beg in public spaces (Don’t worry, you’ll have time to perfect).

 

Become a “regular” where there are open mic nights.

 

Always have enough money to buy one item from an establishment.

 

If you don’t have enough money, make a new friend. 

 

Tell people you play guitar and sing opera.

 

Never play guitar in front of anyone (no reason-just not a big fan of shit piss poor guitar players).

 

Read your poems to people and say that you’re thinking about making it into a song. 

 

From a well-known pop song, sing the chorus 2 times, and then tell people you don’t like to show off. 

 

 

Read as many other poets bad poems as you can and show the really bad ones to your friends, family, or love interest(s). Then show them your best work, say its not done yet, and it only took a few minutes to write.  They’ll assume you’re not the worst poet. They may like the poem you wrote.  However, if they don’t, they will tell you that they do. Use that against them every time they tell you to get a job (works for Doctors too). 

    I hope your taking notes poet. This will be the final exam. Happy studies!!! Miserable personal life!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Additional Reading Requirements

Annie Burie’s Blogs at wordpress apathetically

 

 

 

Please post assignment before the end of the day (I’m lonely at night and more apt to care).