Joy H.

Thank you.

Your voice is not just for your 

people or other natives of this land.

It is for the poor masses lined. 

They need something to eat

that has grown wild,  so they won’t

forget what freedom tastes like.

Please stay strong and take care of yourself -Joy. 

Run on if you can, if not jump on my back.

I shall carry you until you grow

tired of my stink, and swish me away.  

Lady

Lady Liberty doesn’t know where the birds came from,

or why on this late February morning they sing

their five beat rhythm, but it is a sign

that no matter how crippled she gets or how

sad her lovers are, or how many seizures

her bastard children have, she’ll make it to summer. 

She has knocked on enough crosses, the birds

sing to god in her behalf.  Listen

 

Her aliments will crawl back into the soil.

Spring, tease her, twist her legs so at night

she swims in blue rainbows. And wakes

to green prairie grasses wet underfoot.

Open her eyes to love and restitution.

Let her clap the land back into rhythm.

May it work this time and end

the 200 year drought of freedom

check this out

 </span>

Lesson 3/Action Makes the Poet

Lesson 3/Action Makes the Poet

so you want to be a poet series 

 

I know of some poets who don’t think of themselves when they come in contact with “Action.” “Action” makes poets think of the movies.

As a poet there are many an “action” that you will have to do. or else no one will know you are a poet unless you tell them and if you have to tell them -you’r poetaster (I don’t make this shi up poet).  Make them ask at least 7 times and only confess up to other poets or health officials. Make sure you snort laugh afterwards to distract (can’t argue about facts).

I teach out of personal experiences so most of what I say doesn’t apply to you but, it will give you something to focus your cognitive dissonance on and get you to stop writing love poems, which is my main concern. Young poets should write war poems. Poems for naked war, poems about being in naked war, or whatever, you decide, I’ve even known poets who have written poems against war.  I think naked war is the place to begin.  A poet can say anything in a naked war poem. anything. and the poor craft is often times overlooked to due the semi-serious subject matter.    Take this from an old pro, don’t tell possible love interest(s) that you write poetry until after you’re married (at least had sex) or published. You will learn the importance of this over long periods of “alone time.” 

 

Please refer to Guidelines for “a young poet” listed below when completing this lesson’s assignment.

 

 

 

 

Assignment

 

Additional one seating reading: “Paradise Lost” –Milton

Please post response on how “Paradise Lost” sucks so I know you didn’t understand it and you were too confused to think of reading the cliff-notes.

 

Go to an establishment, properly dressed with the correct gear on an open mic night. Show up early and get good seat (save one for me).  Refer back to guidelines for “a young poet” for clarity.

 

Bring tobacco (good way to make stinky friends).

 

Have aged scotch (I may be there).

 

Write feverishly and noisily while others read their poems.

Never clap or snap fingers for another poet.

Read your poems. Make sure you have the full attention

of the several people in the establishment (even the cashiers) by whatever means possible.  Grunt or Yell. Throw a notepad on the floor.  Tell an anti-joke and allow for a big pause of silence so the several people in the establishment lean forward and question if you are sober, or if you have fallen asleep. Violently jerk forward and read poem in bad Spanish accent.

 

During the poetry reading (when you are not reading your poems) write down everything you observe and ponder. Everything. If you have questions about this, don’t ask.  Briefly write how the gear and wear aided you.  Please send one copy to your pen pal from New Zealand and one copy to me (double spaced in American Typewriter Light Font, 13pt.).

 

 

 

 

Guidelines for “a young poet”

 

Actions

 

Learn to lie/lay guilt trip free

 

Refuse to get a job unless you need material for your poems or a quilt. 

 

When job stops being inspirational, quit

This is a better way (Love Jesus anybody?) 

Learn to ask humbly for ham 

Live with whoever will have you

Clean your feet when they kick you out

Cut your toenails religiously

Only paint the pinky black 

Travel as far as your stomach can handle.

Fall for someone who won’t “repay the favor”

Sleep around a lot when young (before butt turns into a paper bag)

 

Drinks of the poet

 

Mushroom tea

Ale

Scotch

Drink black (or green tea) coffee. 

Know facts about coffee (or green tea).

Be a coffee (green tea)  snob.

Keep a cup of coffee (or green tea) in your

hand, except when driving a manual, wiping, or with a lover (It probably won’t happen more than a couple of times so don’t worry about it to the point it wrecks your poetry and you start to write about it).

Milk (organic)

Juice (preferably grape)

Water (preferably pure)

 

Food of the poet

 

Dried fruit

Nuts

Dried meats

Dried veggies

Dried chili

Anything poet can get mouth on

Cheese

Bread mostly

Sometime butter

BQ sauce

 

You are what you wear poet

 

Dress in a cotton button up and brown slacks (good reasons for this).

 

Have two blue sweaters and a tan blazer with you at all times (for fashion purposes).

 

Wear leather sandals everywhere in all seasons with red wool socks in winter.

 

Sunglasses (cop frames –no colored tint please)

 

Poet’s Gear

 

 

Bring a bag full of

 

dried foods

nuts

shakers (painted gourds work best)

An Emily D Doll,

Cds of Lester Young, Paul Simon, and Blonde

A mole-skin-journal (no lines, black)

Vaseline (for dry parts)

Spare underwear (if owned)

Pens of different colors and sizes

Cookies

Tea bags

Extra cups

Leaves of Grass 

chips

 

Carry on person at all times:

 

A bottle of water

Fav stuffed donkey

Anti itch cream (can’t be too safe)

Knife (swiss variety)

Thick rope (strong enough to hold own bodyweight)

 

Poets’ Practice

 

Don’t practice hygiene daily.

Practice Yoga.

Memorize your five original poems

 

Keep journal of how many words you write a day

and how long it takes you.

 

 

Poorly (reverse words) recite Shakespeare in bad English accent in front academonia types (professors, critics, publishers, and e-lutes).

 

Read your own lines in bad English accent or Irish (depending on your drug/sin of choice).

 

Put out a tip jar that used to house pickles. Refer to the jar often as your “green rye bread.”

 

Beg in public spaces (Don’t worry, you’ll have time to perfect).

 

Become a “regular” where there are open mic nights.

 

Always have enough money to buy one item from an establishment.

 

If you don’t have enough money, make a new friend. 

 

Tell people you play guitar and sing opera.

 

Never play guitar in front of anyone (no reason-just not a big fan of shit piss poor guitar players).

 

Read your poems to people and say that you’re thinking about making it into a song. 

 

From a well-known pop song, sing the chorus 2 times, and then tell people you don’t like to show off. 

 

 

Read as many other poets bad poems as you can and show the really bad ones to your friends, family, or love interest(s). Then show them your best work, say its not done yet, and it only took a few minutes to write.  They’ll assume you’re not the worst poet. They may like the poem you wrote.  However, if they don’t, they will tell you that they do. Use that against them every time they tell you to get a job (works for Doctors too). 

    I hope your taking notes poet. This will be the final exam. Happy studies!!! Miserable personal life!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Additional Reading Requirements

Annie Burie’s Blogs at wordpress apathetically

 

 

 

Please post assignment before the end of the day (I’m lonely at night and more apt to care).

Lesson 2/ Do I make myself clear?

Lesson 2/ Do I make myself clear?

from So you want to be a poet series

 

 

There are number ways to make oneself clear

but first the poet must decide if it wants to be clear

or unclear. Vocally support a mixture of both, but as a beginning

poet, don’t do too much.  Most of you are lazy

sacks of apples. You could be sauce.

 

Have you ever had applesauce with honey?  Sauce is good.

Honey is good.  You will never be honey.  So don’t use the word.  Its bad to spread lies.  Don’t.  Care for people.  People want applesauce. They have apples.  They want the sauce – Poets. This is all going to be on final 2-3 pg easy exam.  Do you know where honey comes from?

 

   I worked out the problems with my computer.  It didn’t crumble. I just didn’t plug it.  Thanks to Tom.  Thanks Tom.  I have the syllabus.  It is basically a reading list and I will add rules to it whenever I am inclined.  You bet.  I am a busy person with lots of scotch. This is a courageous tentative plan.

   I have to spend time with hook hers and my family.

 

 

 

Assignment

 

 

Read Syllabus (listed below under “Syllabus”)

Start reading the assigned reading. Just skim around and fallback on cliff-notes when possible so that way when you write or discus any of the reading it will be obvious you did not read them because you only know the general ideas and none of the particular details of the piece.

 

Decide if you want to be clear or unclear in your poetry.  Follow guidelines for “writing clear poetry” or Guidelines for “writing unclear poetry” listed below and post outcome for workshop.

 

*As well, email assignment from lesson 1

to a_burie@hotmail.com or post under

blog entry “Lesson 1 –So you want to be a poet

 

 

Guidelines for “writing clear poetry”

 

-Get reliable writing tools (Large quality paper and anti-smudge colored pens)

-Pick a purpose for your poem

-Brainstorm ideas for a poem

that go along with your purpose

-Pick a few words that go along with your

brainstorming session.

-Pick a form to follow and mock

-Pretend you are writing a rhyming letter

to someone.

-Choose commonly used rhyme combinations

-Adhere strictly to a theme

-Revise and brainstorm as needed to adhere

to the purpose and theme.

-Make sure you use simple language

(Try to write at a 6^th grade reading level or lower).

-Write a zinger for last line of the poem that

recaps on what you said in the beginning of the poem

-Read and discuss the poem with someone else.

After everything you say, say “Do I make myself clear?”

-Hand in page stating only the obvious things about your experience.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guidelines for “writing unclear poetry”

 

-Use pencil and college-ruled notebook paper

-Free write for two hours (stream of contagious style).

-Use words that you are not sure what they mean.

(Try to write at a 8^th grade reading level or higher). 

-If you do look words up, only do it after you are done writing the poem.

-Do not use, the, an, a, of, he, she, I or me in your poem.

-Use verbs the most.

-Use adjectives in the place of nouns frequently.

-Use a lot of punctuation (never can have too much)

-Don’t adhere to any grammatical rules

-Make sure your ending has no connection

with the beginning of the poem.

-The end line zinger should use simple rhyme ti reinforce

a supposed message that the reader is suppose to get,

but make sure it is nonsensical and no matter

what people think they get, it is meaningless.

-Read and discuss the poem with someone else.

After everything you say, say “Do I make myself clear?”

-Write 1 page evaluating the experiences and send one copy to

parent figure and another copy to me.

 

 

 

 

Please post assignment before the end of the day (I sleep to about four or five pm).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Syllabus

 

“All quiet on the Western front”

Poetry is an art form and it takes the right kind of person, the right kind of literary training and the right kind of paper.  There is nothing important about poetry but everything is poetry.  That is the problem of for the future’s poets.  Be happy you have some quiet time and scotch.

 

 

 

Requirements

 

 

Attempt to do what I ask of you by using as little as energy as possible.

Complain a lot.

Use spellchecker (Don’t go to tutor).  

Hand in sloppy work done at the last minute.

Hand in all assignments in time.

Any assignments handed outside of time may be badly disrespected or incinerated. Don’t fall in love with me.  I’d be a pervy to do you. I’m like four years younger than you (keep a good grip).

 

Final essay

   2-3 pages on why you hate poetry now. Cover at least 10 literary crutches, 15 sound effects found in poetry, 34 poets, three afternoons you had with your dog that were meaningful, (Don’t tell me you don’t have a dog, I don’t want to hear it).    

 

Portfolio

 

   Hand in 17 poems with revision copies stapled together in the right order and clearly mark what they are.  As well submit one page of analysis for each of your poems.  In the analysis, analyze your own poem in any kind of way you can.  Make font slightly bigger so you don’t have to write as much (less thinking too). 

 

 

 

Grading policy

 

   I read all assignments out loud to several of my friends. Then I pick the best accidental humor and give it an A (100% – 79%).  Then I throw the rest down stairs. The essays that land on the bottom of the stairs get Bs (78.9%-53%).  One’s on top, Cs (52.9%-0.02%).  Unless I like you, this applies to you.  If I like you or you are smart I will give you an A as long as you hand in some of the work.

 

*Most People get Cs.  I am not afraid to give Bs or As, I just prefer not to. 

*You can bribe me if you don’t make me feel cheap (scotch/cash).

 

Class activities

 

    If someone does hand in a poem of quality, we’ll workshop it and rip it a new one until the poet logs out crying.  The same for the really bad ones, but we’ll spend less time on the bad poems.  You know the type I am talking about, the “prosey” ones full of banal truths. Gross.  This is poetry and I don’t want any gross weak enlightening prose. Do you have a heart beat? Then you use it or lose it Poet. The poems of average craft will be read and complimented briefly in a surprised tone. 

   The rest of the activities that we will do in the course of this series are secret and mysterious.  I cannot tell you everything yet or else you will get bored.

 

 

 

Reading Requirements

 

   I’ll assign other reading as necessary.  Please read in order of listed and write summary for each chapter/section on all of the required reading. Hand in all at the time you hand in your final essay and portfolio. Please write all essays in third person. Compare all literature to yourself and internalize when possible. 

 

Texts

“Don’t Know Much About History” -Kenneth C. Davis

“Holy Bible” King James Version.  Daily.

“American Popular Music” –Starr Waterman

“How To Win Friends & Influence People” –Dale Carnegie

“The Norton Anthology of Poetry” (Shorter Fifth Edition) –Ferguson, Salter, Stallworthy

“The Collected Poems of Muriel Rukeyser” (the first complete paperback edition) –McGraw-Hill

“The Scholastic Rhyming Dictionary” –Sue Young

“Patton” –Martin Blumenson

“Premier World Atlas” –Rand Mcnally

“The Great Hunt” -Robert Jordan

“Somebody, Somewhere” -Alan Gillis

“Code of the Street” -Elijah Anderson

“Creating Your Own Destiny” -Patrick Snow

“The Self-Publishing Manual” -Dan Poynter

“Tomorrow; Adventures in an Uncertain World” –Bradley Trevor Greive

“Where the Sidewalk Ends” –Shel Silverstein

“Here, Bullet” –Brian Turner

“Selling 101” –Zig Ziglar

“What You Can Do With a Major In English?” –Shelley O’Hara

“Pictures of the Afterlife” –Jude Nutter

“The Best American Poetry” (2004) -Lyn Hejinian

“Financial & Management Accounting” (13^th edition) -McGraw-Hill Irwin

“The New American Medical Dictionary And Health Manual” (Third Revised Edition) –Robert E. Rothenberg, M.D.

“Needful Things” –Stephen King

 

 

 

*Additional Reading Requirements

Annie Burie’s Blogs at wordpress religiously

 

 

Lesson 1/ So You Want To Be A Poet

 

So You Want To Be A Poet Series

 

 

 

Lesson 1/ So You Want To Be A Poet

 

 

Or as you may like “poetess” but it really doesn’t matter because I hate the term “poetess,” so I refer to myself as a poet.  You must believe the distinction is a waste of time. For poetry is poetry no matter who writes the poem.  The label is a way to categorizing different poesy artists into the appendixes in the back of books.  As well it is a way to uphold the status qua of mainstream western society who believe that being a woman or a man affects how a person tackles the curse of poetry  (Society always forgets transgendered people).  Although there are many things that are positive and neat to touch, there are others I wouldn’t recommend on a day-to-day basis.   Keep this in mind when joining the army, a cult, or walking a dog.  In poetry, keep nothing in mind.

 

 

From now on I use the term poet to refer to you and other gendered poets. 

From now on you may call me Anny Bon Bon Hell or a poet (No abbreviations please).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Assignment 1

 

Pick a poet and read their collected works. 

Follow the guidelines for “Reading a poem” and “Reading a collection of poems” listed below. Keep a written journal of your progress through the guidelines (Rely heavily on spell checker).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guidelines for “Reading a poem”

 

1.   Read title of poem with as low-pitched voice as possible.

2.  Read poem in a well lit noisy area

3.  Any words that are unfamiliar look up in a hand held dictionary

4.  Read poem a second time out loud in a poorly lit area.

5.  Pay attention to sound effects like meter,

    rhyme, barks, word choice, flutes and assonance.

6.  Discredit anything clever or meaningful in the poem.

7.  Ask what the purpose of the poem is and eat a sandwich.

8.  Answer the question of purpose while walking in circles until you puke

9.  Think about what you like and dislike about the poem when having your Morning BM.

10. Does the poet use metaphors or other sad literary crutches?

11.   If used, Are the crutches funny on accident? Circle the ones that display accidental humor and write “brilliant” on the side with a blue marker

12.  Would you read the poem to your parent figures or on a subway with strangers? If to parent figures move on to another poem and start at beginning of guidelines. To strangers, continue to step 13.

13. Put poem down and breathe heavy.

14. Write a crappy poem and sloppily copy the techniques of the poem you just read.

15.  Claim to as many people as possible that your poem is better than the one you copied.  Repetitively repeat lines of your poem in raspy voice that makes you couch and gasp. Then say, “Ha, Blank (First name of a  famous poet) poet is poetaster”

16. Submit your poem to as many university presses as you can find with a letter of intent explaining that if you don’t get published by them you’ll commit suicide by acid (Don’t  really commit suicide, move on to another poem and  begin at number 1 of  guidelines and recycle batteries).

 

 

 

 

 

Guidelines for “Reading a collection of poems”

 

1.   Pick up a book that has a collection of poems in it.

2.  Read the name of the author and the title.

3.  Open up the poetry book. 

4.  Read every page in the book.

  5. Worry about eyefatigue and eyestrain.  

  6. Read poems out loud in a park, tavern, or at a  

     car dealership.

  7. Refer to Guidelines for “Reading a poem”

8. Tell everyone you see that you read so and so’s  

   collection and that you’ve seen better shi at  

   Mackinaw Island. But none as profound

   and damaging as so and so’s(or use first name of  

  author) collection.  Tell them you were nervous  

  to stop reading so and so’s book.. Misquote a few 

  lines of the poet by blending their words with 

  the words of a well known speech.

9. If someone asks if they can borrow the 

   collection, tell them no, and that it belongs

   to your roommate, who is your grandmother or 

   Priest (depending the theme of collection and 

  After much  practice, you may wish  to change 

 who you say owns the book. Move forward with the utmost caution as usual. Never tell another reader of poems you own books of poetry.  They will compliment you, fuck you and steal your best books).

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Please submit assignment before the end of the day (that’s when I check my e-mail). 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everybody could live a good life

Everybody could live a good life

-full of all the great things, love and fucks,

money and sunlight.

Nutritious consumption habits for all

Fires and single malt scotch. Sweet tobacco.

A forest to find mushrooms, the black dirt

to find leeks for all of us. Raspberries for the world

 

old days seem to be hard matter. 

now that war is in he keeps spacing out

the thimbleberries of youth and white pine shadows,

mother hanging

clothes on the line

stand him up in this blood

bloat. the stink and heat are

unforgivable

 

the lake he lost ego in by repeatedly

jumping off the twenty foot cliffs

into the cold blue of the north, is far away. 

 

the waves in august, warm 6 foot. surfing

with body, knees

ground down into the hard and large grains

mixed with agates, sedimentary rocks, grouped

and clustered, coal, yet to break free,  not important. 

 

 

In with a spiritual, full humanity -a pound

fear and there are the guns, the helmet, the mask. 

 The bombs. The sand

Its hard to get enough when in war.

sleep nods,  he’s well fed, don’t bend for sausages. 

Imaginary pickles choke him off. 

 Now he’s smart on war and dumb on leftovers.

How long does a roasted chicken last?