every time i swallow my ears pop

every time i swallow my ears pop

 

 

i have a infection in my body that my body can not

stop

 

i lay on the couch and dream of a little brown boy

huggin his legs

and crying and screaming

 

 

and i say who i am to complain

 

 

i try to think of the great lake

and the cedars touching the water, and the spray

but i find myself looking at a drowning woman in the eyes

as she gasps and flairs her arms

 

 

screaming in silence

save me

 

 

i stand up to shake the vision

to walk off the cramp and the pain but my head floats

and i feel like puking and the air can’t get to my brain

 

and i think of a friend who died being choked to death

by cop

 

and i drink a cold glass water to refresh my body

but the water has weird aftertaste and i think

of the shit and chemicals

they use to purify

and  i put down the cup

and lay back down on the couch that smells like piss

and i think about washing it

but

my head won’t allow me to bend or scrub

or pick up the garbage

from my daughter

who threw in hopes to see another trick

of gravity

 

and i think of close quarters and imagine if there another

14 people sleeping in this space

 

and i see their black eyes and white auras

and i see myself

in their hallow bones

that stretch and fracture

 

 

and i follow the lines and end in the ground with workers

filled with black dirt and chemical sandwiches

and i see the master holding a diamond the size of my heart

throbbing and aching in his hands

that are smooth and delicate

and i see him reaching out to me to give it me

as long i don’t tell anyone what i see

 

 

and i run away but his dogs are at my heels

and my feet can barely keep up with dust that spins behind

my limbs and

i fall into the rock and sand

and the dogs become friends and family

and i stand trying to tell them what i know

 but they walk away as soon as

my words start to flow

 

and i am left on the road with sandals on

 

and the little rocks keep getting stuck between my toes

and on my way i see a lake so beautiful and blue

and i take for swim but on the bottom i see something

move

and large and i think its coming straight for

me so i get out and lay on the shore

but as i dry the bugs come biting

and the blood runs down my legs

 

and i try to get them to leave but my flesh falls

off and my clothes become little rags with blood

 and i find i was

 two sticks with a rope holding me

up and i remember the couch and get up to relieve myself

and as i piss

i see the  tooth paste on the side of the  wall

and i think about brushing but my gums are bleeding

and i spit in the toilet and a chunk a black blood

gags its way out and i flush

and wash but my hands still smell

and i see in the mirror the black circles under my eyes

mounting despair 

so i lift up my heart and ask god, why don’t i die

and i blow my nose and some of my snot bubbles up to my lip

and i wash my face and  remember my ex sayin i would be pretty if

i worked out and got my teeth straightened and washed my face

 and i see at the

corners of my mouth dried caked on brown spit

and i remember how i was back then so damn fucking sick

 and how i had cysts inside

my body that keep bursting and scaring

and it  made me walk with a limp

 so i go to the emergency room and they tell me its nothing

and i don’t have insurance or money and i leave

with a bill without

getting the pills

and i go back to the couch and i can’t get to work cause

the sickness has increased since i had to walk in the

cold and there is nothing or

no one that can help  me now

and i am hungry but my mouth hurts and the stale bread i have

is too hard to  chew

and i think of the slavery and imperialistic control

and i laugh a little

and think how things changed

(who am i to complain)

now they have everyone bent over to screw

now it is the poor that die of

oppression and we are all turning blue

and it gives me no relief to think i have some keif

because its just another

man trying trick me into having a good time

when there is so much work to

do and i having the heart  am too damn sick

to even start

 

so lay on the couch and watch tv

with the only control i have in my hand

 is remote control

changing reality one digit at a time.

 

who i am to complain